Friday, December 01, 2006

Could it be ... Satan?

This saga of Lisa Jensen's Christmas wreath is my favorite holiday story of the season so far. In brief: Jensen, who lives in Colorado, put up a Christmas wreath shaped like a peace sign. Her homeowners association -- which deserves to be named: It's the Loma Linda Homeowners Association -- told her to take down the wreath or suffer a $25-per-day fine. The problem with the wreath, they explained, was that it could be viewed as a divisive antiwar protest and, possibly, a symbol of Satan. In response, Jensen did exactly what she should have done: Told the homeowners association to stick it in their yule log, and then spread the word far and wide, so that every English-language news organization on Earth (by my rough estimate) has now covered the story. Countless strangers contacted Jensen, offering to pay her fine throughout the holiday. The nearby town of Pagosa Springs put up an identical wreath to show its solidarity. After a few days of global derision, stunned by their new awareness of this divisive, possibly Satanic device called "The Internet," the Loma Linda Homeowners Association sent Jensen this note:
We had a misunderstanding with your Christmas decoration and for that we apologize. We withdraw any and all previous requests for removal of your decoration.
By "misunderstanding," they mean, of course, "We failed to understand that our pettiness and ignorance would make us the laughingstock of millions." One wonders why they didn't just say that. Oh, and the wires report that two of the three homeowners' board members have had their numbers changed; the third isn't answering calls.

1 comment:

Jim Fuge said...

I hope you enjoy my play on "The Grinch" as much as i enjoyed your description of this silly debacle. The Durango Herald, who first broke the story is going to carry my Grinch spoof. Tommorrow or Sunday. I'm very glad about it.
My favorite comments you wrote.. Your "rough estimate"comment, and best, "laughingstock.
JIm Fuge
Durango Colorado

The Peace Wreath

Every Loma at Lindaville liked Peace a lot

But the Grinch and his Cronies certainly DID NOT!

This Grinch hated Peace!

The whole Peacetime season!

Now please don't ask why, no one quite knows the reason!

It could be perhaps he just liked to fight, or

Maybe his head was screwed on to the Right.

But we think the most likely reason of all

May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.

No matter the reason.

His heart or his head,

He felt really bad, and troubled instead.

The more the Grinch dwelled on the Peace Sign thing

the more he ached to stop the whole thing!

"I must stop this Peace Wreath from being,...but how!

"I know what I'll do, I won't stand this abuse"

He thunked to himself "All I need's an excuse"

He looked for an excuse to take the Wreath down.

But, since excuses are scarce there were none to be found.

Did that stop this ol' Grinch...?

NO! The Grinch simply said

"If I can't find an excuse I'll make one instead!"

He did better than that, he made a Big List,

and Right here they are, and some we have missed.

The Wreath may offend, or it might not be nice,

it might be for Pagans, who drink wine with ice!

Maybe it's code, all secret and sneaky,

Maybe these Loma's are just being cheeky!

Then he fired his cronies (who weren’t so uptight),

They said it’s not bad, but the Lights kept him up nights!

He puzzled and twisted and puzzled some more,

He listed excuses, till his Puzzler was sore.

Then finally his Puzzler hit on the Thing!

Maybe really this Wreath’s not such a bad Zing!

Maybe Peace to the World isn’t so bad,

Maybe Peace to the World, shouldn’t make him so Mad!

Imagine; a world where folks spoke up for Peace!

Like Lisa, the Loma, with her Peace Wreath!

And what happened then...?

In Lindaville they say

That the Grinch's small heart

Grew three sizes that day!

And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight

He could answer his phone and not hide all the night!

He stopped all his Trickzies, and called off his goons

...and he hung back the Wreath, by the light of the moon!

Jim Fuge